After several years of profession, the couple therapist Gary Chapman noticed that the roots of many couple’s problems were the incongruency in their ways of expressing love. The couples reported that they were always trying so hard to demonstrate their feeling to the other person, but did not felt as loved in return. In this way, the therapist recognized the patterns that are known today as the 5 Love Languages.
In this article we will briefly describe all of them, to further bring each into more detail.
A love language is a way to give, receive and identify love. Thus, when we say that two people do not speak the same love language, it means that they have different ways of giving, receiving and identifying love. When this happens, even though you are expressing your love from the deep of your heart, the other person may not understand it, because he or she simply comprehend love in a different way.
Each person have one or two main love languages and are mostly incapable of recognizing the rest. But the good news are that like any other language, the love languages can also be learned.
If this is your main love language, it means that you like to be praised. Positive words like “well done”, acknowledgments, and incentives like “I know you can do it” have a great impact on you. Consequently, this is the most likely way that you’ll express your love to others: through words.
Whether it’s tickets to a festival, a chocolate box, or a teddy bear: it doesn’t need to be expensive at all, what matters is the gesture, which says “I remembered you”, “you matter to me”, “I was thinking about you”.
This person is pragmatic and loves through actions. He or she expresses love by taking on tasks that he or she knows you don’t like to do just to see him or her smile. Yes, there are people who express love by washing dishes, paying bills and taking out the trash.
For some people, it is not enough to hear “I love you”. They need to feel these words on their skin. For example, through hugs, kisses, a massage, sex, etc… Any affectionate expression of touch is welcome, and fill the heart of a native of this love language.
Are you one of those people who can’t stand talking to someone who’s messing with their phone? And if the ‘someone’ is your partner, there’ll be a fight for sure? If so, it’s very likely that Quality Time your main language of love. You feel loved and valued when you receive exclusive attention from your lover, friends or family. You like to do things together and have quality conversations.
Have you identified with several? Then do a test to find out what your main love language is, or try to determine the order of importance of each one for you.