How to Break Up Without Conflict
Some relationships just come and go — the break-up is unavoidable. Often, passion gradually fades away. What’s left is pure routine. Was the current — or recently ended — relationship just a mistake? Or a fantasy?
What is the best way to end a relationship that has long since ceased to be happy and satisfying without making your partner’s world fall apart? Here are some tips on how to end a relationship without conflict:
Tip 1: Sincerity
For many people, it’s hard to be honest with your partner about having met another interesting person. The reason is fear. Fear of having a fight, of losing everything, of being humiliated in front of family and friends: that is why they keep their new love a secret. An affair is usually the result.
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However, in this case, the danger is that everything will suddenly come to light. Your partner will feel even more deceived once he or she (we’ll assume it’s a he from here on) discovers that this story has been going on for some time. The new love (who sometimes has no idea of the existence of the other relationship) probably has high hopes for the future and is also being deceived. And let’s not even talk about the trouble the cheater is getting into.
For these reasons, it makes much more sense to be honest with your current partner once it is clear that the new love is true. The same goes for the new crush, who must be informed about your current relationship status.
And remember: “sincerity is truth with love” (Chico Xavier).
Tip 2: The right way to break up
When it comes to breaking up, a clear and honest conversation is vital. If you want to break up with someone after years together, doing it by e-mail or message would be a terrible idea. That would be cowardice and disrespectful. A long letter wouldn’t be so bad, but it certainly wouldn’t be the best option. The future ex is entitled to an eye-to-eye conversation in which they too can express themselves.
Even though there may be a lot of crying, cursing, anger attacks and other emotions that are difficult to deal with, it is necessary to gather the courage to have this conversation in person. Possibly the other person will appreciate the sincerity and admit that he was also thinking about a break-up. Another recommended option is to break up in a neutral place. At home, within the familiar four walls, memories might be triggered that make the process more difficult.
And remember: it is counterproductive to mention that the new partner is younger or more attractive than the current one. This will only hurt your ex-partner. Just open up, admit that the love is over and you have fallen in love with someone else. Make it clear that you will always respect and remember the good times together and offer to stay friends! Above all, emphasize that you did not want to hurt or deceive the other person. They deserve to know the truth.
Tip 3: Establish fair conditions
If both are in agreement about the separation, they should decide the next steps together, especially if the couple lives under the same roof. Now the question is what the physical separation will look like. Who moves out, who keeps the house? How long can the move wait?
Nobody deserves to be thrown out of the house. Agree on a deadline. It is usually the woman who moves out voluntarily to her parents’ or friends’ house for some time. For her, it is too painful to continue living under the same roof as their ex.
Everything else (custody of children or pets, separation of property, etc.) must also be handled fairly and objectively.
Tip 4: Stay open for conversations after breaking up
Especially if some things have gone wrong, it’s important not to close the doors for your ex. It is very likely that he will feel the need to talk about everything again and get answers after the dust has settled. That’s quite normal, as long as it doesn’t cross the line.
Only in case of disrespect to personal limits, such as stalking, harassment, threats, offenses is it advisable to cut off contact completely.
Tip 5: Accept the new life
A separation is a big, decisive change in life. Several circumstances change overnight. In-laws stop being in-laws, new apartment, days off are spent differently. In other words, everything can change quickly.
Many people postpone separation for fear of these changes and attachment to old habits. Change and comfort do not go together. But to do what, it’s necessary to get used to the new life.
Tip 6: Don’t spread poison
Don’t waste your energy saying bad things about your partner after the break-up. Whatever didn’t work out in the relationship only concerns the two of you. It’s no one else’s business, especially your kids’ if you have any. That would only create conflict and is extremely disrespectful.
So if it’s time to end it, do it in a amicable way to avoid conflict.
We wish everyone who is thinking of breaking up much courage and good luck!