How to Deal with Distant Men

Not everyone is sociable, cheerful and talkative by nature. Plenty of people are introverted, shy and distant instead. There are many reasons for this, but in most cases, it is often predetermined from birth whether someone will be more extroverted or introverted later in life. Although much can change in this respect in the course of a lifetime, it is difficult to “mask” one’ s true character permanently.

But what if your partner is constantly asking for you to give him more space?

Is he shy or not interested in you?

Especially in a serious relationship, where nothing remains hidden in the long run anyway, this “shortcoming” cannot be hidden forever. But how should you as the girlfriend best behave towards your introverted, distant boyfriend? What is acceptable and where do the limits lie? When is support possibly useful?
And above all: How strong is love really for distant people?

A question of character

distant guy looking away

Just like your eye color, some features of your character are inborn. Of course, one’s character is still influenced by various circumstances such as upbringing, family, friends, school, work or other factors in the course of one’s life, which usually changes it somewhat. This also applies to the degree of extroversion/introversion. While some people were already constantly smiling, laughing and close to other children at a young age, others are rather shy and feel visibly uncomfortable in direct contact with others.

In many cases, this behavioral characteristic is a constant throughout their lives. Seldom is just a phase. It is often very difficult for introverts, rather distant people, to make friends, to communicate with other people or even to enter into a relationship later on. They often seem strange or even unfriendly to other people although this is not always true. Extreme shyness can make it impossible to communicate well.

How do I get him out of his shell?

woman sitting with distant man under a tree

You may also have had experience with distant men. You have met your dream prince, who you would like to have for yourself. He looks good, he is charming, sweet and listens to you above all. But now there is a little problem: he is quite distant and it is difficult for you to get close to him.

Things still feel a bit cold between you and him. Maybe you have often wondered if this is because of you. Although he has already said several times that he likes you and could even imagine things getting serious with you, you are not sure about that because of his introverted nature.

Could it be that he is just playing a game with you and is not really serious at all? Of course, this can always be the case, no matter whether with open or distant men. If you are unsure about this, don’t be afraid to ask him why he is acting so distant towards you. Why he may rarely contact you spontaneously or barely say anything. Is it really only his shyness or is disinterest really the answer? You will only know if you ask.

The first date

If he acts distant even on the first date, you should consider what the reason could be. Still, don’t just throw the napkin on the floor and leave angrily. His behavior can have several valid justifications. Either he is really just naturally shy and doesn’t really know what to say. Or maybe he really doesn’t feel like it and is just trying to be polite. Give him some more time, for example, try to break the ice and make him feel more at ease by being funny. And if does not work… at least you tried.

In a relationship

woman leaning her head on the shoulder of her distant boyfriend

Surely you have noticed your partner’s distant nature even before you have started a relationship or even marriage with him. However, this did not stop you from making a commitment to him. So obviously, you fell in love with him and you probably wish your relationship would continue for a long time.

But what do you do with his distant nature, which is bothering you now? Do you even know why that is? Is it simply his way or was he possibly influenced by different life circumstances? Maybe he was cheated on by his ex, so that it is difficult for him to build up trust again? Did he perhaps build up some kind of protective armor because of that?

Of course you can always try to help him get out of his shell little by little. Occasionally this can also work out, some men need a partner who regularly kicks them in the butt (gently!) a bit to act more extrovertedly. But as soon as you notice that it is becoming too much for him, you should respect his boundaries.

If you can’t handle it at all in the long run, you might want to consider breaking up. After all, there is no point having to constantly adapt to the ways of your partner.

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By Daniele Zedda • 18 February

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