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What’s truly behind jealousy?

Our last post on envy, titled “Is there anything positive about envy?” – inspired me to write about another emotion that is quite hard to admit: jealousy.

Everyone knows this feeling, but have you ever stopped to think what causes it and what is the best way to deal with it? Here’s what we discovered and would like to share:

Jealousy, the green-eyed monster

woman expressing jealousy with her eyes

We all know how this goes. The person we like or are in a relationship with gets attention from someone of the opposite sex (or whatever their preference is). This is already bad enough, but it can get worse: he or she acknowledges it and give some attention back. You notice and feel jealous.

The gesture doesn’t have to be big to trigger this reaction. It can be just a micro expression, like a smile or a gaze, or hard to detect, like the tone of voice or choice of words.

But what lies behind jealousy? What happens on someone’s mind when they feel jealous?

The truth behind jealousy

What’s hidden behind jealousy is fear. Fear of losing something we possess to someone else. Therefore, we perceive the person who is interfering with the harmony of our relationship as a threat. It is no wonder that jealousy leads to so many crimes of passion. However, that is not to say that violence is an acceptable solution.

drawing of couple discussing over cheating

Jealousy means to the person who feels it that, from their perspective, their connection to their (potential) partner is in danger. In a way, the person who experiences it feels that they have less value and/or significance for their partner than the third person involved. In other words, the intensity of this feeling is greater the lower the self-esteem of the jealous person is.

The solution

When we feel jealousy, we automatically think of the potential for loss and the pain it would cause us. Therefore, it is important to stop to notice that, in reality, nothing has changed in the relationship, because we are only anticipating pain. The first step is to focus on what we have: a connection with our partners.

In fact, it is the connection that is in danger. Consequently, the best solution to this unpleasant feeling is to deepen and strengthen the connection. Do you know what makes his or her heart beat stronger?

What I do not recommend is to question the partner in a way that evokes distrust or weakens the connection.

couple kissing on swing on lake at sunset

Find a mature person who is able to control his or her own jealousy on MySugardaddy on this very day!