Rinsing: Definition + How to Recognize Rinsers & Avoid Getting Rinsed
If you ever read through the posts of any sugar dating forum, chances are, you came across the term rinsing. Most likely, it was in some sort of warning or testimonial from someone who got ripped off. To prevent this kind of story from repeating itself, we will tell you in this post what exactly rinsing is as well as how to recognize and protect yourself from it!
According to Reddit’s Sugar Lifestyle Forum, rinsing refers to “when an SB [sugar baby] deceitfully causes the SD [sugar daddy] to provide allowance or PPM [pay-per-meet] in exchange for the promise of intimacy, but without providing it. This is often intentional, but can also happen when both parties do not properly communicate terms or expectations.”
Did you know?
It is common practice in the sugar bowl for sugar babies to receive a pay-per-meet in the beginning. Later on, they switch to a monthly or bi-weekly allowance. Find out how to gracefully transition from the former to the latter in this article from our blog.
Therefore, a rinser is someone who pretends to be interested in a regular sugar relationship with all it entails (dates, travel, company, romance, intimacy) in order to get as much money and or gifts as she can, but has no intention to actually engage in this kind of relationship. She will postpone everything she is not willing to do for as long as she can string her sugar daddy along.
Signs you are being rinsed
According to the definition above, basically, if you are showering a sugar baby with money and gifts while being lied to, you are being rinsed. Here are some signs she might be only after your money and have no interest in a relationship:
- Requiring you to send her money even before you start messaging each other to prove you are serious. This might be part of a scam, but there is also the possibility that she is trying to filter out time-wasters.
- Asking to be paid before the M&G (meet & greet). She might never show up! Read more about whether you should pay a sugar baby for the M&G here.
- Telling you a sob story or claiming to be in a financial emergency. She will try to cloud your judgement to get immediate “help”.
- Disappearing on you right after getting the PPM, allowance or gifts. You can read more about ghosting in this article.
- Asking for money to get to the M&G’s location. If you have never even had a video call with her, the chances of her not showing up are high.
- Making up excuses for not meeting up in person.
- Avoiding any conversation about intimacy.
- Promising intimacy, but always postponing it for some reason.
- Not wanting to see you again after a series of dates.
Could it be anything else?
As mentioned above, there is always the possibility that you are dealing with someone who has bad communication skills, does not know what she wants and is afraid to disappoint you. However, if you are convinced she is simply stringing you along and does that to everyone, please report it! This way, you will be helping us to ensure a safe environment for people with compatible desires to know each other 🙂
On the other hand, you should keep in mind that it might look like you are getting rinsed when, in reality, you are being rejected. It is natural for a sugar baby (or anyone who just started dating someone) to want to take things slowly and not to want to be intimate right away. It might take a couple dates for people to decide if there is enough chemistry between them to take the next step. They might also decide against it at some point. If a sugar baby got money and gifts before deciding to end the sugar relationship, it does not mean that she intended to rinse you.
In that case, you should not get upset at her. Instead, ask yourself if there was anything you said or did that made her change her mind. Also, keep in mind it could also have been a matter of lack of intimacy. And I am pretty sure you would not want someone to be in a relationship with you against her will. After all, sugaring is about consensual relationships. If you are expecting to only hear yesses from sugar babies, you are not suited to be a sugar daddy.
How to avoid getting rinsed
- State your expectations clearly from the start. Make a list of things that are a must for you in a sugar relationship and another for what would be nice to have. Do not rely on unspoken agreements and expectations. By not expressing your desires clearly, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
- Allow chemistry to develop naturally. Do not rush through things. Have plenty of video calls (which you can do without leaving our site!) and go on a lowkey M&G before deciding to give the sugar relationship a chance. By investing less time and energy in a potential SB, you will feel less bad if things do not pan out. This is why we always recommend going for a simple coffee date or a drink after work first, instead of an elaborate dinner. It makes going your separate ways, especially if you notice it will not work out right away, much easier.
- Know your limits. How much are you willing to invest in a potential arrangement? Just like in the world of vanilla dating, not every woman you message or have dinner with will end up becoming your partner. Just because you paid for dinner and transportation and brought her a gift does not make her owe you anything. Everyone is free to decide not to go on with the relationship at some point. It is important to be able to know when to cut your losses, preferably before you reach your limits.
The danger of it
One of the dangers of rinsing is getting scammed. Unfortunately, we have been told that there are professional rinsers out there. They were asked to return the money they had gotten by lying to SDs, then threatening to expose them to their families. To avoid blackmailing, you should always be very careful about personal information you share with potential sugar babies.
It takes very little identifiable personal information for someone to find out your true identity. For instance, one time I met a sugar daddy “in the wild” (we met at a spa by chance) and, after a 2-hour conversation, I knew just enough about him to easily find him online. Even though he had given me a fake surname, I knew his first name, profession and location. I looked it up, then searched for images. Bingo! First I found some interviews of him, then his professional website, which linked to his personal Facebook and Instagram accounts. This is why you should always get yourself a fake name!
Pro-tip: never use any picture you have posted anywhere else on social media as your profile picture on (sugar) dating websites. The reason is very simple: they can get reverse image-searched (here’s how), leading a stranger straight to your LinkedIn account, for instance. Another pro-tip: remove the GPS location from your pics to prevent people from finding out where you work, live or spend your free time. And again: please report any scammy behaviour!
Is there people who enjoy rinsing and getting rinsed?
The simple answer to this question is yes. There are people out there who enjoy everything imaginable — just think of the weirdest fetishes you ever heard of. Therefore, it is fair to assume that sugar daddies who enjoy rinsing do exist. Actually, it was not hard to find them upon some research. Here is a documentary about sugar daddies who enjoy spoiling their sugar babies solely for the sake of spoiling them:
However, if you look at our definition of rinsing, you will notice that it is about pretence, which does not apply to the people in this documentary. What is shown might seem like rinsing from the outside, but is not perceived as such by the people involved. After all, intimacy is not part of their arrangement, so they are getting exactly what they want and happily paying for it. In conclusion, the practices depicted do not qualify as rinsing, making the documentary’s title inaccurate.
Similarly, financial domination might seem like it from the outside. According to its Wikipedia definition, “financial domination (also known as findom) is a sexual fetish, in particular a practice of dominance and submission, in which a submissive (money slave, finsub, paypig, human ATM, or cash piggy ) gives gifts and money to a financial dominant (money mistress, findomme, Goddess or cash master )”. What he gets in exchange depends on his personal taste. It can go from being yelled at and called names to having her spend his money on herself while he watches it; many of these arranges do not encompass intimacy at all. Yet, since this kind of transaction is known and agreed upon by both parties, it does not constitute rinsing, as pretence and (involuntary) exploitation are not part of it.
All in all, it is only acceptable to rinse someone if they explicitly ask you to 😉